disco raccoon's blog

more updates on my widely-disregarded views on current affairs...

do you know what the most effective mass-brainwash tool is? sitcoms. but first, let's take a look at what identity marketing is, because i know for a fact that you don't know this, and i feel like it's my duty to tell you.

most women can relate to a character from sex and the city or desperate housewives, and women being the most susceptible to identity marketing, they relate to these characters to the extent that they tend to loose their identities to these fictitious characters and start acting like them. men do it too, we all do it. if an identifiable character smokes on screen, chances are, if you keep identifying with this character, you're going to start smoking too. this works even better if the character gets your dopamine running, i.e. makes you laugh/happy.

that leaves us with a simple formula:

pleasing character + funny = mind control

has anyone wondered why there're spin-offs of sitcoms flooding the market today? it's healthy (and recommended by 9 out of 10 doctors) not to be as paranoid as i am, so i'll just draw the fucking picture for you.

now, i don't want to attack sitcoms altogether, it works everywhere. have you ever wondered why devoted pink floyd fans tend to experiment with acid somewhere down the line? or why it's really hard to come across a bob marley fan who doesn't smoke weed? it's hard for us too, a lot of our heroes are drug users, but identity marketing in this case isn't a matter of mind control or cranial contortion (a phrase i just invented, thank me later), it's a way of being, un-enforced.

back to the fucking sitcoms. did you know that 80% of all americans against communism don't really know what it is? their argument lies solely on the militant rule of stallin and the cold-war tension (that was fake anyway) between the states and russia. a closer look at sitcom humour reveals snippets of anti-comunist dialogue laced together with other droning, bland humour, and consumer america swallows it, not knowing that the people that control the media are the same upper-one-percent that have benefited most from capitalism.

let's clarify here, in a nutshell.

communism: all resources belong to the commons to be shared.
capitalism: all resources sold to people with the ka-ching to make more ka-ching.

with the growing us defecit (and its effect on the indian economy) and global recession, what was the answer from the us senate to boost the economy? buy off 80% of a.i.g. whose control now lies in the hands of the entire us population. mass control of the national resources in the hands of the people. i see a pattern forming here. yes, the answer to the recession caused by the flaws in capitalism: communism. today is a living proof of the fact.

i think it's safe to say that i have owned ayn rand's again... wait... "owning", such a capitalistic dream. I HAVE CAUSED AYN RAND'S ASS TO BE EVENLY DISTRIBUTED TO THE PEOPLE BASED ON NEED!!!

peace!

as the g20 summit goes on, trying to fix the "global economy", the economy that's fake anyway, the smartest thing to do now is to certify a gold-backed currency as a global trading norm, since global trading isn't going away anytime soon. the united states, the country where the mess started, still holds the veto when it comes to any decision, it only proves that capitalism isn't working.

if ayn rand was alive today i'd make her eat her books.

three books that have so much in common: atlas shrugged, manifest destiny and the bible. all justify retarded actions for a higher purpose and a secure future, a future that never fucking comes.

radiohead lyrics on the thinspiration site...

i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control.
i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.
i want you to notice, when i'm not around.
you're so fucking special, i wish i was special.

but i'm a creep, i'm a weirdo.
what the hell am i doing here?.
i don't belong here

- creep by radiohead

now there're a bunch of "i don't care if i'm fat, i'll reach the pearly gates with all my flab" poems online. why do people have to reach out for the extremes to prove their point?

for the record, i love the word "cunt". i like saying it, i like reading it and there's a general sense of well-being that comes to me when this word, in it's entirety, is being used in any way around me. the best part about the word "cunt" is that its mention almost seems to negate the mind-fucking effect of an actual cunt being around.

another reason i really like this word is because it has an effect of being automatically and immediately cencored or replaced with less-offensive words like "fucker", but real high on the list is the mystery quotient... yeah, it's mysterious as hell. why, you might ask... you probably scratched your keyboard, shook your mouse around violently and even pulled your hair asking, "why, kalhan, why? please tell us... please", i'm sure. well, here's why.

firstly, the word "cunt" has a other less evil twins such as "twat", "pussy" and "woo hoo". only the first two of the three less-evil twins are used in arguments, and to offend people, the third used by kids as pick-up lines. that leaves the first two for head-to-head combat with my favourite word in the whole world. since "pussy" is also used by a lot of girls for personal verbal use while communicating their girly-problems (while simultaneously not wanting to sound too scientific by saying "vagina") we're left with cunt and twat... let's battle.

now, why is the word "cunt" considered to be more offensive than "twat", you might ask. they mean the exact same thing, peolpe from different races, from different countries, people that wear different hats all feel strongly and uniformly against the word "twat" when it comes to the offensive quality of words, especially when it's confronted by the word "cunt". here's what it boils down to, finally.

the 'w' factor

let's take into consideration, the word "twat". the sounds that sound least offensive to the human ear are syllables formulated with the alphabet 'w', let's take an example here. wiggle. it's an action that's best used to describe what stroke victims do with different parts of their bodies, yet, this serious involuntary, or in some cases, voluntari(ly dumb), action of the human body has received instant cute-ness recognition by everyone. just the word, mind you. if you had to say, "he sawed his arm off and started wiggling around on the floor", it wouldn't have too much of a traumatic impact upon the listener, the kind that it should have if someone's arm has just been sawed off. can you sense the power of the 'w'?

let's take another example here. there are other offensive words that have been cutified with this magic alphabet. let's take "weener" for example. it means the same thing as "cock", "love rod" or "dick", but you can use it in front of your teacher and she won't say a word, infact, she might smile... try getting away with saying "cock", you're in for the instant one-week suspension my friend.

the syllable stress-and-stretch-technique

one of the key factors in winning an argument (or just plain, offending people) is your ability to emphasize certain selective syllables from the curse word. the syllable of choice depends upon you. you can stretch the first syllable (most effective for words like "fuck", where you go f-f-f-f-f-f-uck) or the last syllable in curse words like "motherfucker". it's a fairly simple, yet deadly tactic. most kids that have been caught cursing will testify to the fact that they were caught while syllable-stretching their regular curse words. legend has it that syllable-stretching your curse words can multiply the default intensity of a regular curse word by atleast ten times. it can also cause serious damage if not used rightly, for example, in order to emphasize the phrase "go fuck yourself", you must effectively stretch on the 'f' (go f-f-f-f-f-f-uck yourself) rather then stretching the less important/offensive part (go fuck yourse-e-e-e-e-e-e-lf)

the word "twat" isn't subject to the syllable-stress-and-stretch technique, this is why. the syllables that can be stretched or stressed in order to achieve the aforementioned impact have to be one of the following: t-wa-t. (fairly simple)

now we analyze the problem logically. if you choose to stress on the first and/or last syllables of the word "twat", it might leave you with some pain in the roof of your mouth, we can't have that since the usage of the word "twat" might lead your to having to try more curse-words later in the argument and a painful mouth-roof won't help. we can now try to see if we can stretch the sounds created with variations of the letter 't'. now, try this at home, you'll see that stretching the alphabet t results in a funny-face... not very useful when you're trying to look dangerous and sound serious, the key to winning every argument. hence we can safely eliminate the stress-and-stretch for the alphabet t, unless you have a specially designed mouth, if you do, more power to ya! similar problems are faced while trying to use this tenchnique on the syllable 'wa' rendering the word "twat" completely useless in verbal combat.

the word "cunt" on the other hand is subject to free stretch-and-stress and is one of the only words that can be successfully subject to multiple-stress-and-stretch (use the same technique for as many syllables as you'd like) making it a useful argument-winner or person-insulter, whatever might be your cup of tea.

the misinterpretation advantage

in case your opponent/enemy is a little hard of hearing, or if you choose to mumble out your insults sarcastically, you could be at an advantage if you were using the word "cunt" since it sounds like/rhymes with a lot of cool/dangerous words like "cut", "cult", "grunt", and so on...

a "twat" user would be at a clear disadvantage at this point since all "twat" sounds like/rhymes with is "what", "go out", "borat" and so on, giving the opponent/enemy the impression that you're confused, asking him to leave or calling him a central-asian make-believe comic, neither of which are going to make him pee in his pants...

the tabboo factor

people tend not to use the word "cunt" since it ranks high on the tabboo list. many testosterone charged males have been brought down by estrogen-pond girls for inappropriate usage of this word, and as they say, a burnt child dreads the fire, similarly, a "cunt" user dreads the sensitive-girl-types. it isn't a word most people would dream of bringing up with estrogen-puddles anywhere within close proximity since drawing the word out significantly decreases a male's chances of getting laid, a kind that can not be recovered by any won-argument of any magnitude.

on the other hand, a "cunt" user tends to be someone who:
a) just jacked off five minuted before the commencement of the argument to actually give a damn about getting laid (and regrets using the word a few minutes later since he'll probably be going home alone now)
b) a faithful goddy-two-boots who doesn't care because his girlfriend isn't around
c) eunuchs
d) guys who only care about the "right" girl, the one who won't throw a fit or open her jaw in disbelief if you do say the four lettered word

this wasn't really much of a competition, more of a post about why certain things are certain way even though they make no sense. fact of the matter is, i agree it's an offensive word, probably the most offensive and least used word in the english language, but i like the sound of it, and what it represents. it's quite powerful too, i've seen it end relationships, i've seen it start fights out of nothing, i've seen people in splits laughing over its diplomatic and politically right usage. millions of years of evolution and i'd be happy if there's something that came out of verbal communication such as this.

edit: photobucket won't even let me upload that picture

i am the wet dream of every internet corporation, or atleast i would've been if they know me better.

it's called brand consciousness and faithfulness when you decide to stick to one in particular, no matter how fucked up it turns out to be over the course of... say, a decade, which it has been in this case.

when i was a little boy, having an email id was a way of living... actually, no but having one meant you knew enough about computers to be able to browse porn on your own without having to look through your brother's stash, and since i don't have one, computer knowledge was handy.

hotmail was in the papers because some indian dude made it and microsoft gave him half a billion for it... sucker, i should say, he could've made a billion off it easy. it sounded good, i liked the crispy blue inbox so i went for it... kalhan_raina@hotmail.com is what it said on the make-believe visiting card i had in my head but then i forgot the password... so i had to add a suffix to my name and given surname.

you know what else was "in" at that time? rambo... oh yeah, stallone, the dick with the bicep. as desperate as i was to not be "in" at the time (i wouldn't be allowed "in" anyway... why try?) i chose james bond... the dick with the aston martin. so kalhan_raina007@hotmail.com it was... without a moment to spare, i jotted down the password everywhere i could.. notebooks, school cafeteria wall, blah blah. not a very bright idea because now, everyone knew... but that didn't bother me, no sir... "go right ahead", i said, "feel free to read the enlarge-your-penis and insure-your-shoes ads that i get spammed with every week".

over the course of the nine years i've owned the make-believe internet space i was granted by hotmail, i've stuck with it through thick and thin. mostly thin. back in mah day i only had a 2mb storage space, not enough to store even those annoying image forwards that were so fucking popular then, all i had in my inbox was a 92kbps version of "sheena is a punk rocker" by the ramones and a few emails, strictly text. it was alright, 2mb is almost as much as a floppy disc, which is... was... a whole lot.

hotmail was generous though, they granted me 10mb after 3 years of my stern read-and-delete-email policy... in went another ramones song that i could store for all eternity.

then came another hurdle... gmail. a gigabyte of email space... i could've put in the entire ramones discography in there, but no... the gmail white didn't look too good as compared to the hotmail crispy blues... so i kept it...

hotmail probably sensed that i was sticking to it through all the muh-ch better options from other domains and let me have a gb too... but out went the spams... weekly too. i was sick of asking people to buy iphones and take vacations, even though it wasn't me, just my id. and it rhymes, so it must be true, that's all i can say in my defence for now... and you know what? i let it. i just assumed that people in my address list were smart enough to understand what was spam and what wasn't... and that i wouldn't really ask people to buy iphones or take vacations to places i'd never go to but man was i wrong... soon i got tired of repeatedly typing out the same explaination to every dumb-ass query. "spams are being sent, i don't know how, leave me alone".

off went my address list, and the 300 odd people i had on my msn list just to make their e-lives easier and now i'm back, oh yeah, after a long fucking vacation, ready to reply to every "where the fuck are you" email and it won't let me log in... nope, password changed or some shit... i feel like a part of me has died, the part of me that lived online for nearly ten years on hotmail... and i don't want to switch, or get a kalhan_raina008@hotmail.com.

i am the corporate wet dream that hotmail screwed over so bad... especially since now i write for about 25 blogs, all linked to this particular id, the only im service i have active is rediff which isn't so bad but for now, i think i've reached the end of the internet. there's nothing left to do here i haven't done before... "go out and play", says the voice inside my head.

what's the difference between john mayer and john frusciante?

john mayer always knows what notes to play. john frusciante knows why they need to be played.

she's a real left winger 'cause she been down south and held peasants in her arms, she said "i could tell you a story that could make you cry, what about you?"
i said "me too"
"i could tell you a story that will make you cry", and she sighed "ah"
i said "i wanna be a singer like lou reed"
"i like lou reed" she said sticking her tongue in my ear, "let's go, let's sit, let's talk, politics go so good with beer... and while we're at it baby, why don't you tell me one of your biggest fears?"
i said "loosing my penis to a whore with disease, just kidding" i said, "losing my life to a whore with disease"
she said "excuse me please?"
i said "losing my life to a whore with disease", i said "please... i'm a humble guy with a healthy desire, don't give me no shit because..."

i tell a tale of a girl, but i call her a woman she's a little bit older than me strong legs, strong face, voice like milk, breasts like a cluster of grapes i can't escape the ways she raise me... she'll make you feel like solomon be one of your babies even if you had no one
took my sleep after setting my loins on fire
but that's ok because...

i've been tired

i've been tired
t-i-r-e-d spells it