cunt vs. twat

for the record, i love the word "cunt". i like saying it, i like reading it and there's a general sense of well-being that comes to me when this word, in it's entirety, is being used in any way around me. the best part about the word "cunt" is that its mention almost seems to negate the mind-fucking effect of an actual cunt being around.

another reason i really like this word is because it has an effect of being automatically and immediately cencored or replaced with less-offensive words like "fucker", but real high on the list is the mystery quotient... yeah, it's mysterious as hell. why, you might ask... you probably scratched your keyboard, shook your mouse around violently and even pulled your hair asking, "why, kalhan, why? please tell us... please", i'm sure. well, here's why.

firstly, the word "cunt" has a other less evil twins such as "twat", "pussy" and "woo hoo". only the first two of the three less-evil twins are used in arguments, and to offend people, the third used by kids as pick-up lines. that leaves the first two for head-to-head combat with my favourite word in the whole world. since "pussy" is also used by a lot of girls for personal verbal use while communicating their girly-problems (while simultaneously not wanting to sound too scientific by saying "vagina") we're left with cunt and twat... let's battle.

now, why is the word "cunt" considered to be more offensive than "twat", you might ask. they mean the exact same thing, peolpe from different races, from different countries, people that wear different hats all feel strongly and uniformly against the word "twat" when it comes to the offensive quality of words, especially when it's confronted by the word "cunt". here's what it boils down to, finally.

the 'w' factor

let's take into consideration, the word "twat". the sounds that sound least offensive to the human ear are syllables formulated with the alphabet 'w', let's take an example here. wiggle. it's an action that's best used to describe what stroke victims do with different parts of their bodies, yet, this serious involuntary, or in some cases, voluntari(ly dumb), action of the human body has received instant cute-ness recognition by everyone. just the word, mind you. if you had to say, "he sawed his arm off and started wiggling around on the floor", it wouldn't have too much of a traumatic impact upon the listener, the kind that it should have if someone's arm has just been sawed off. can you sense the power of the 'w'?

let's take another example here. there are other offensive words that have been cutified with this magic alphabet. let's take "weener" for example. it means the same thing as "cock", "love rod" or "dick", but you can use it in front of your teacher and she won't say a word, infact, she might smile... try getting away with saying "cock", you're in for the instant one-week suspension my friend.

the syllable stress-and-stretch-technique

one of the key factors in winning an argument (or just plain, offending people) is your ability to emphasize certain selective syllables from the curse word. the syllable of choice depends upon you. you can stretch the first syllable (most effective for words like "fuck", where you go f-f-f-f-f-f-uck) or the last syllable in curse words like "motherfucker". it's a fairly simple, yet deadly tactic. most kids that have been caught cursing will testify to the fact that they were caught while syllable-stretching their regular curse words. legend has it that syllable-stretching your curse words can multiply the default intensity of a regular curse word by atleast ten times. it can also cause serious damage if not used rightly, for example, in order to emphasize the phrase "go fuck yourself", you must effectively stretch on the 'f' (go f-f-f-f-f-f-uck yourself) rather then stretching the less important/offensive part (go fuck yourse-e-e-e-e-e-e-lf)

the word "twat" isn't subject to the syllable-stress-and-stretch technique, this is why. the syllables that can be stretched or stressed in order to achieve the aforementioned impact have to be one of the following: t-wa-t. (fairly simple)

now we analyze the problem logically. if you choose to stress on the first and/or last syllables of the word "twat", it might leave you with some pain in the roof of your mouth, we can't have that since the usage of the word "twat" might lead your to having to try more curse-words later in the argument and a painful mouth-roof won't help. we can now try to see if we can stretch the sounds created with variations of the letter 't'. now, try this at home, you'll see that stretching the alphabet t results in a funny-face... not very useful when you're trying to look dangerous and sound serious, the key to winning every argument. hence we can safely eliminate the stress-and-stretch for the alphabet t, unless you have a specially designed mouth, if you do, more power to ya! similar problems are faced while trying to use this tenchnique on the syllable 'wa' rendering the word "twat" completely useless in verbal combat.

the word "cunt" on the other hand is subject to free stretch-and-stress and is one of the only words that can be successfully subject to multiple-stress-and-stretch (use the same technique for as many syllables as you'd like) making it a useful argument-winner or person-insulter, whatever might be your cup of tea.

the misinterpretation advantage

in case your opponent/enemy is a little hard of hearing, or if you choose to mumble out your insults sarcastically, you could be at an advantage if you were using the word "cunt" since it sounds like/rhymes with a lot of cool/dangerous words like "cut", "cult", "grunt", and so on...

a "twat" user would be at a clear disadvantage at this point since all "twat" sounds like/rhymes with is "what", "go out", "borat" and so on, giving the opponent/enemy the impression that you're confused, asking him to leave or calling him a central-asian make-believe comic, neither of which are going to make him pee in his pants...

the tabboo factor

people tend not to use the word "cunt" since it ranks high on the tabboo list. many testosterone charged males have been brought down by estrogen-pond girls for inappropriate usage of this word, and as they say, a burnt child dreads the fire, similarly, a "cunt" user dreads the sensitive-girl-types. it isn't a word most people would dream of bringing up with estrogen-puddles anywhere within close proximity since drawing the word out significantly decreases a male's chances of getting laid, a kind that can not be recovered by any won-argument of any magnitude.

on the other hand, a "cunt" user tends to be someone who:
a) just jacked off five minuted before the commencement of the argument to actually give a damn about getting laid (and regrets using the word a few minutes later since he'll probably be going home alone now)
b) a faithful goddy-two-boots who doesn't care because his girlfriend isn't around
c) eunuchs
d) guys who only care about the "right" girl, the one who won't throw a fit or open her jaw in disbelief if you do say the four lettered word

this wasn't really much of a competition, more of a post about why certain things are certain way even though they make no sense. fact of the matter is, i agree it's an offensive word, probably the most offensive and least used word in the english language, but i like the sound of it, and what it represents. it's quite powerful too, i've seen it end relationships, i've seen it start fights out of nothing, i've seen people in splits laughing over its diplomatic and politically right usage. millions of years of evolution and i'd be happy if there's something that came out of verbal communication such as this.

edit: photobucket won't even let me upload that picture